Jealousy is not Always Bad for the Couple!

on October 17 at 02:19 AM
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"An erotic anger"
This devouring jealousy which ignites, Giulia Sissa defines it as “an erotic anger” and recalls that, in ancient Greece, “it was a noble passion, worthy of goddesses, warriors and queens. What do we ask of someone who is jealous? To suddenly become indifferent to everything that makes love. It's impossible.
When the voice that troubles us will whisper in another ear, it is as if lead is melting in the hollow of our heart. This pain is so enormous that when held back it can turn into flying plates. Better then to whisper in the ear of our love: “Yes, I am jealous, do not look back on all the women who pass in the street. It hurts me. ” "
Aude, 35, admits to worrying when she's not jealous: “I wonder if I'm really in love. I need to feel that the man I want is desirable: when I have the feeling that he is looked at by beautiful women or who impress me, I boil with rage and lust mixed together. For her, her current companion is too loyal and too absorbed in his work. She never feels that he is attracted to or desired by other women and complains of a bond that has turned plan-plan.
"A triangular relationship"
“Normal jealousy is consubstantial with desire. She accompanies him. We need another to be the vector of what it will focus on, ”confirms Roland Gori. In Romantic Lie and Romanesque Truth (Plural), the philosopher René Girard explains, relying on great texts, that man never chooses for himself the one he wants. It ignites for the one or that another, a third, covets. The relationship that is formed is always "triangular and mimetic". And jealousy spreads its shadow over the heart in a movement of envy when our rival is close to us emotionally or physically. We often attribute to it virtues and qualities that we think we do not have.
“When I had to recognize that […], not being the prettiest, I could see myself preferring another […], I bit the dust. I bit the sheets of the bed where I sank sobbing, ”says Catherine Millet in Day of suffering (Points). The author of The Sexual Life of Catherine M. (Seuil, "Points"), free woman, may openly maintain relationships outside the couple she forms with the writer and photographer Jacques Henric, she does not It was none the less devastated when she discovered that he too had adventures: “I had ceased to be in his reveries, in the center of antics, I was only a spectator. A gulf opened up.
And, with it, the certainty of no longer being the sole object of the desire of the loved one. "It is there that crawls, it is there that slides, it is there that flees, like the ferret, what we call desire", affirmed Jacques Lacan in Le Séminaire, volume XI (Points, "Essays") . Desire is only fleeting. He crosses lovers, never settles, even in love. Jealousy is the mark of their clairvoyance.

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